wow. That’s tough.

I have discovered that I can love without trusting -- love in the "divine love" sense.
I can trust without loving -- "love" in the romantic sense.

Root yourself in God -- the way, the truth and the life. Fr. John Corapi has revealed to us that "truth" is not something, but someone -- Jesus. Love truth and embrace truth, and be wary of those who do not value "truth." You can and must love the person, but be careful of the lies.

Marriage is a sacrament. Both parties must recognize marriage as such and approach it with due reverence. Cohabitation is not good -- it cheapens marriage and obscures the sacramental nature of marriage.

Best wishes to you. Please don’t be hard on yourself. Look for the good in all things.

Peace.