Your use of the word response is an example of feeling...you are hurt, you feel like hurting back...it is a matter of semantics...feelings/responses are a reflection of choosing to love or not...

if you love in the Christian sense then your response/feelings reflect that...respect, kindness, patience, forgiveness, consideration, etc...however, if you "emotionally" love your response/feelings will include some of the very same descriptors...it is all about putting others before yourself in thought and deed...emotion cannot be sustained...it is but a reflection of love (any kind)...therefore, if you love spouse, children, in the true sense of the word your choice of action/response would not be negative...you can’t depend on warm fussy feelings to sustain love...the whole psychology about ’feelings’ is quite interesting...our Priest tells us that the feeling/emotion will not sustain your faith in God or man...it is a choice you make to live what the meaning of love is and feelings are a result of that practice...
that is why Christ, Mother Theresa and others can do what they do...within a family it is the same...in all relationships...