Just take the forgiving one day at a time. It doesn’t happen quickly. It may take years. Just keep asking God to help you. You will become the one transformed.....not your X. Don’t beat yourself up over it. It is very hard to do......My sister was in the same situation and as the years have gone on since her divorce, they can now be in the same room together and have a conversation about their granddaughter. It all takes time. Get through the legalities first......the rest will come with God’s grace and your persistant prayers. I never, ever went to Mass without praying for my X--even though sometimes my stomach turned! It was well worth the prayers to be able to look upon him now with a gentle heart. He in turn has been very generous to me. God can do amazing things with our hearts!