Date: 4/11/2003 9:15:33 PM
Name or Pseudonym: SarahToo
Subject: To Sarah (from Sarah)
Hey Sarah. Im also a Sarah, and I also can totally relate to your situation.
Right now, Im in high school. A time that alot of adults claim "is the best of their life". Well if thats true, Id hate to see what the rest of my life is going to be like. Ill be frank. . high school is a time of total, complete, overwhelming uncertainty (at least for me). Somedays I can be happy and inspirational, other days things just seem to fall apart for no apparant reason. Acceptance is a big issue for me also. I feel no matter what, Im unhappy with myself, my decisions, my life! And I ask myself. . Why does life seem to be so easy for others? Why do they just take things as they are, and not try to make everything into a huge deal (like myself). But then, reason and logic hit me. . .Could I deal with a shallow and live for the moment sort of life? Where would I go in life without faith? Without knowing, loving, and serving God. . wouldnt life on this earth be pointless? So in that reguard, I am so very glad that I do have deeper thoughts, and that I dont accept secular things to influence my life.
(ok. ive gotten a little off topic, back to my real message)
So. Alot of the time, I have a very very hard time dealing with people. I have a constant internal struggle between what I truly know is right, and what Id like to do just so I can fit in with my friends. I get dissapointed when I have to miss out on things becuase of my religion and beliefs (such as going to see the brand new movie rated R), but then I find myself even more dissapointed when I give-in to my desires and go with the crowd (such as laughing at the crude, vulgar joke). It seems that most of the time, I am just dissapointed in what I do. But then Sarah, when dissatisfaction seems overwhelming, I take myself away from this secular society and enter a period of complete and absolute peace. . and that is prayer. I offer all of my self-insecurities, all my confusion, all my sins, all my desires, all my dreams, everything! to the Lord. I ask that he guide me and give me strength. I ask him to build me up where he knows that I am weak (ie. patience, humility, self-sacrifice, etc etc etc!). I ask for inner peace so that I have enough faith within myself to witness to the world. And, honestly, answers from the Lord are not always apparant. Sometimes I feel like Im asking in vain. But I continue regardless. When despair sets in and uncertainty conquers, I ask the Holy Spirit to be with me and help me!! And I will continue to do so all the days of my life. .
My philosophy is: if I die and find out all this religion is a big hoax, I would rather have lived serving God (just to be sure) than living without trusting in him. Becuase when we die, chances are, this religion thing WONT be a big hoax, and personally, Id rather not go to hell.