Date: 4/9/2003 3:46:09 PM
Name or Pseudonym: prayer warrior
Subject: wondered off and was lost
there was a time in my life when i experienced many heavy crosses...my children and i were abandoned, my first grandchild was born with severe heart problems and died within 6 wks., my child married someone who abused them from the first, my father was diagnosed with parkinsons, and my youngest daughter died at 21 while asleep at her apartment from having ingested what was called the date rape drug...my heart, no my very soul was dark...i had prayed for my husband to return to the church and his family, i had prayed for my grandson to be saved, and on and on...roasaries, novenas, you name it i was doing it...i became dpressed and wished that i could just cease to exsist! go into a dark place, close my eyes and never wake up...these thoughts were with me all the time...but i had children to raise and others needed me also, so i couldnt be so selfish...but i really wanted to be...i drew away from family and friends...isolated myself as much as i could...then one day i decedied to speak to a priest that i knew...he was very hard on me, made me face many things about myself...made me remove my wedding band which i still wore...told me of the joy of being a child of God, explained to me about prayer and the ultimate choice that people make for themselves, and many more things...it took many visits, and writing letters to God, which the priest made me do, as well as finding place in my life for me to be more than a mother, daughter, employee, etc...i learned who i was and how to be joyful in life...do i fall sometimes? yes...but the days of darkness are fewer and do not last so long! the Mother Mary became my mentor and protector and has helped me to become closer to her Son...for this I am forever grateful and pray that i will continue to strenghten and grow spiritually...it is so easy sometimes to give in to the darkness!