Your desire to forgive the man counts for something. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Perhaps his continued actions provoke the strong feelings. Just keep praying that some day you CAN forgive him fully. Just one step at a time. As I told you before it has taken me years and years.....and I am already mad again at mine because of something he has just done to my youngest son. I think forgiveness is a process....like a journey. But you have a few companions with you......holding you in prayer. Just keep trying to move forward and keep your dignity. I’m sure you are a fine person all by yourself! As you keep trying to forgive, your ex may eventually treat you with more kindness and gentleness. If not, you know in your heart that you kept trying. There’s no magic bullet for forgiveness.