When my husband of 22 years decided that he should never had married, or had 4 children, that he needed someone younger and prettier...I thought my world had gone black...it took a long time for me to feel good about myself (still have trouble with that) and a long time to not feel anxious when I saw him...the children were devastated and were ignored by him for a long time; this is better now...but I still cannot be myself around him; worst of all I feel confused and angry...that is how I know I have not forgiven him...I know I should be able to...my daily prayers ask that this can happen because when he is not in the picture my life knows peace and joy...would that I could feel like this no matter what...I hate that he can still control my feelings and invoke such a strong reaction...I feel like a pitiful excuse of a christian!