Date: 3/14/2003 11:15:43 PM
Name or Pseudonym: ivy
Subject: Fear of trust
From my youth, Ive been exposed to Gods love for me ,yet despite all His attempts to prove that love, there are many times that am afraid to trust Him,trust his all encompasing and unconditional love for me. Im afraid if i trust in His love too much, I may take advantage of it and fall into perpetual sin. At other times , I ask myself what right I have to think that He loves me so particularlly when I look around and see many peolpe He loves (since He loves all) in far worse conditions that i am in and the thought that hell is populated with peole God loves.
I know I should trust Him complettley and believe He will transform me and make me holy and let me get into heaven, but am I not the one who has to put in the effort- he has done all He needs to do for me so the rest should be up to me. But if its up to me, then why must I relly on Him and wait for Him to tranform me,wont that be
There are many days I lift my eyes to the heavens with sadness in my heart: sadness that Ive not transformed myself into a holy person what with all the oceans of grace the Lord pours out on me; sadness that the Lord has not transformed me either and worry that perhaps neither of us eve will....
Yet I will still trust and hope that some day....