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ON FAITH & MEDIA View Comments

Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant

By
John Mulderig
Source: Catholic News Service


John C. Reilly stars in a scene from the movie "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant."
In keeping with its unwieldy title, the gently ghoulish "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant" (Universal) is an unfocused adventure tale that gets off to a stylish start, but bogs down in a meandering story line and overlong fight scenes.

Along the way, director and co-writer (with Brian Helgeland) Paul Weitz's adaptation of three novels in Darren Shan's "Cirque du Freak" series of children's books offers a bleak outlook on conventional family life.

Thus, strait-laced, small-town high school student Darren (newcomer Chris Massoglia)— whose rather macabre coming-of-age story provides the basic arc of the narrative—is saddled with overbearing parents (Don McManus and Colleen Camp) who demand that he keep his grades up in preparation for the rat-race future they have mapped out for him.

Darren's longtime best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson), by contrast, is neglected by his widowed, alcoholic mother. As a result, he's a rebellious teen who constantly derides Darren for his timid conformity and challenges him to break the rules.

Spider-loving Darren and vampire-obsessed Steve share a taste for the outlandish, and both are bored with life in their bland burg. So when an unseen rider in a passing car— a black-and-violet Rolls Royce, no less—drops a flier at their feet advertising the one-night-only performance of the titular circus, they're thrilled.

One of the featured acts in this sideshow, along with beard-sprouting Madame Truska (Salma Hayek) and Japanese giant Mr. Tall (Ken Watanabe) is skilled spider trainer Larten Crepsley (a commanding John C. Reilly), whom Steve recognizes as a 200-year-old bloodsucker he's seen in an occult book.

Through a series of complications not worth unpacking, Crepsley—who turns out to belong to a race of human-friendly, plasma quaffers who anesthetize their victims and drink only a smidgen of blood at a time—becomes Darren's mentor after transforming the lad into a so-called "half vampire." (Unlike the full-blown variety, Darren can survive in daylight.)

Steve, though, ends up in the thrall of a group of homicidal vein-drainers known as the Vampaneze, which is unfortunate since they're locked in a centuries-old conflict with Crepsley and his softhearted ilk, making the two young pals, perforce, implacable enemies.

As the undead and their proteges throw each other around with Herculean force and inflict the occasional dagger wound, the tolerant circus folk—including Darren's new sidekick, Evra the Snake Boy (Patrick Fugit), and his love interest, Rebecca (Jessica Carlson)—provide the young demi-Dracula with an alternate family to match the alternative dad he's found in Crepsley, making, so the script would seem to imply, his journey to the dark side worthwhile.

After all, to paraphrase some heavy-handed moralizing Rebecca dispenses, "It's not what you are, it's who you are" that counts, Count.

The film contains considerable hand-to-hand and knife violence, some crude and crass language and a pornography reference. The USCCB Office for Film & Broadcasting classification is A-III—adults. The Motion Picture Association of America rating is PG-13—parents strongly cautioned. Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13.

****
 Mulderig is on the staff of the Office for Film & Broadcasting of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.


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Conrad of Parzham: Conrad spent most of his life as porter in Altoetting, Bavaria, letting people into the friary and indirectly encouraging them to let God into their lives. 
<p>His parents, Bartholomew and Gertrude Birndorfer, lived near Parzham, Bavaria. In those days this region was recovering from the Napoleonic wars. A lover of solitary prayer and a peacemaker as a young man, Conrad joined the Capuchins as a brother. He made his profession in 1852 and was assigned to the friary in Altoetting. That city’s shrine to Mary was very popular; at the nearby Capuchin friary there was a lot of work for the porter, a job Conrad held for 41 years. </p><p>At first some of the other friars were jealous that such a young friar held this important job. Conrad’s patience and holy life overcame their doubts. As porter he dealt with many people, obtaining many of the friary supplies and generously providing for the poor who came to the door. He treated them all with the courtesy Francis expected of his followers. </p><p>Conrad’s helpfulness was sometimes unnerving. Once Father Vincent, seeking quiet to prepare a sermon, went up the belltower of the church. Conrad tracked him down when someone wanting to go to confession specifically requested Father Vincent. </p><p>Conrad also developed a special rapport with the children of the area. He enthusiastically promoted the Seraphic Work of Charity, which aided neglected children. </p><p>Conrad spent hours in prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. He regularly asked the Blessed Mother to intercede for him and for the many people he included in his prayers. The ever-patient Conrad was canonized in 1934.</p> American Catholic Blog The Resurrection is neither optimism nor idealism; it is truth. Atheism proclaims the tomb is full; Christians know it is empty.

 
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