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opinion/commentary View Comments

Stop the Bullying
By Susan Hines-Brigger
Source: St. Anthony Messenger
Published: Thursday, January 6, 2011
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In the past year, I have heard story after story—in the news, from friends and families and even at my own dinner table—about kids being bullied. It’s rampant. It’s everywhere. As we’ve unfortunately witnessed time and time again, it can be deadly.

And it needs to stop.

I know, I know. Bullying has gone on for years. I’m sure most of us can recount a story of it from our youth. There are even debates as to whether the media are jumping on the recent rash of suicides brought on by bullying and overblowing the concept of kids being “bullied to death.”

But things are different now. And, on the off-chance that things aren’t being overblown, I’m going to say something. The explosion of instant communication—cell phones, the Internet and the whole world of social media—has opened up a whole new arena in which bullies can play.

Regardless if it’s being overly hyped or not, Tyler Clementi, Phoebe Prince, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg and many other young people obviously thought what was happening to them was bad enough to make them take their own lives.

Some of the earliest lessons we parents try to teach our kids are to play nice, be kind to others and use manners. So where do things get off course?

Most parenting experts will say that you can tell kids things till you’re blue in the face. What will most likely stick with them, though, is not what you say, but what you show them through your own actions.

Rachel Simmons, cofounder of the Girls Leadership Institute and author of Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl, has been studying bullying, writing about it and working with schools and families around the country for over a decade.

In the article “The Nine Most Common Myths About Bullying” posted on www.Newsweek.com, Simmons says, “In fact, it’s parents who can be the biggest bullies of all....Parents replicate the same nerve-racking hierarchies they are so quick to condemn on the playground. They exclude children and parents from parties, playdates and coffee, or publicly gossip about other people’s children. Until parents hold themselves to the same standards we impose on our kids, real change will be impossible.”

She’s right. We parents are guilty of contributing to this problem every time we fail to speak up, pass on the latest gossip, degrade others when they fail to see things our way or pass uninformed judgments. We do it in our homes, at work, on the playing fields, in schools and even in our church—all in plain sight of our kids. We rattle off catchphrases like “What would Jesus do?” and then fail to do it.

In the case of Phoebe Prince, the district attorney said teachers witnessed Phoebe being bullied, but said nothing until after her death.

In 2006, Megan Meier committed suicide by hanging herself three weeks before her 14th birthday. Lori Drew, the mother of one of Megan’s friends with whom she had a fallingout, was later charged for her involvement in the cyberbullying of Meier.

We love our kids. That is why we, as parents, need to step up and take action. That action begins with each one of us.

What can we do? Rachel Simmons says she wishes “more adults would come clean and level with kids about their own past. Doing this opens a channel of honest communication between youth and adults, instead of making kids feel like they are doing something no one has ever done before. If we don’t model self-reflection, how can we expect kids to do the same?”

Surely, our kids know that we love them just the way they are no matter what happens, right? On the offchance that they may be feeling uncertain about things, let them know you’re there. Tell them and then tell them again.

My colleague Christopher Heffron blogged about this very subject at http://blog.americancatholic.org/2010/11/02/still-a-child-of-god-2. Read it.

Finally, set the example you want kids to follow.

All parents I know would do anything for their kids. So as a mom I’m asking you, begging you—parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles—please do your part to help stop the bullying. And remember, our kids are watching.


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Martha: Martha, Mary and their brother Lazarus were evidently close friends of Jesus. He came to their home simply as a welcomed guest, rather than as one celebrating the conversion of a sinner like Zacchaeus or one unceremoniously received by a suspicious Pharisee. The sisters feel free to call on Jesus at their brother’s death, even though a return to Judea at that time seems almost certain death. 
<p>No doubt Martha was an active sort of person. On one occasion (see Luke 10:38-42) she prepares the meal for Jesus and possibly his fellow guests and forthrightly states the obvious: All hands should pitch in to help with the dinner. </p><p>Yet, as biblical scholar Father John McKenzie points out, she need not be rated as an “unrecollected activist.” The evangelist is emphasizing what our Lord said on several occasions about the primacy of the spiritual: “...[D]o not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear…. But seek first the kingdom [of God] and his righteousness” (Matthew 6:25b, 33a); “One does not live by bread alone” (Luke 4:4b); “Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness…” (Matthew 5:6a). </p><p>Martha’s great glory is her simple and strong statement of faith in Jesus after her brother’s death. “Jesus told her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?’ She said to him, ‘Yes, Lord. I have come to believe that you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one who is coming into the world’” (John 11:25-27).</p> American Catholic Blog One of the difficulties we may have when our lives become unmanageable is that we find dealing with other people to be difficult and we may even struggle to maintain a relationship with God. Caring people especially can find themselves carrying unnecessary crosses as they become lost in the maze of trying to meet everyone’s crazy expectations—including their own!

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