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opinion/commentary View Comments

Stop the Bullying
By Susan Hines-Brigger
Source: St. Anthony Messenger
Published: Thursday, January 6, 2011
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In the past year, I have heard story after story—in the news, from friends and families and even at my own dinner table—about kids being bullied. It’s rampant. It’s everywhere. As we’ve unfortunately witnessed time and time again, it can be deadly.

And it needs to stop.

I know, I know. Bullying has gone on for years. I’m sure most of us can recount a story of it from our youth. There are even debates as to whether the media are jumping on the recent rash of suicides brought on by bullying and overblowing the concept of kids being “bullied to death.”

But things are different now. And, on the off-chance that things aren’t being overblown, I’m going to say something. The explosion of instant communication—cell phones, the Internet and the whole world of social media—has opened up a whole new arena in which bullies can play.

Regardless if it’s being overly hyped or not, Tyler Clementi, Phoebe Prince, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg and many other young people obviously thought what was happening to them was bad enough to make them take their own lives.

Some of the earliest lessons we parents try to teach our kids are to play nice, be kind to others and use manners. So where do things get off course?

Most parenting experts will say that you can tell kids things till you’re blue in the face. What will most likely stick with them, though, is not what you say, but what you show them through your own actions.

Rachel Simmons, cofounder of the Girls Leadership Institute and author of Odd Girl Out and The Curse of the Good Girl, has been studying bullying, writing about it and working with schools and families around the country for over a decade.

In the article “The Nine Most Common Myths About Bullying” posted on www.Newsweek.com, Simmons says, “In fact, it’s parents who can be the biggest bullies of all....Parents replicate the same nerve-racking hierarchies they are so quick to condemn on the playground. They exclude children and parents from parties, playdates and coffee, or publicly gossip about other people’s children. Until parents hold themselves to the same standards we impose on our kids, real change will be impossible.”

She’s right. We parents are guilty of contributing to this problem every time we fail to speak up, pass on the latest gossip, degrade others when they fail to see things our way or pass uninformed judgments. We do it in our homes, at work, on the playing fields, in schools and even in our church—all in plain sight of our kids. We rattle off catchphrases like “What would Jesus do?” and then fail to do it.

In the case of Phoebe Prince, the district attorney said teachers witnessed Phoebe being bullied, but said nothing until after her death.

In 2006, Megan Meier committed suicide by hanging herself three weeks before her 14th birthday. Lori Drew, the mother of one of Megan’s friends with whom she had a fallingout, was later charged for her involvement in the cyberbullying of Meier.

We love our kids. That is why we, as parents, need to step up and take action. That action begins with each one of us.

What can we do? Rachel Simmons says she wishes “more adults would come clean and level with kids about their own past. Doing this opens a channel of honest communication between youth and adults, instead of making kids feel like they are doing something no one has ever done before. If we don’t model self-reflection, how can we expect kids to do the same?”

Surely, our kids know that we love them just the way they are no matter what happens, right? On the offchance that they may be feeling uncertain about things, let them know you’re there. Tell them and then tell them again.

My colleague Christopher Heffron blogged about this very subject at http://blog.americancatholic.org/2010/11/02/still-a-child-of-god-2. Read it.

Finally, set the example you want kids to follow.

All parents I know would do anything for their kids. So as a mom I’m asking you, begging you—parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles—please do your part to help stop the bullying. And remember, our kids are watching.


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Josephine Bakhita: For many years, Josephine Bakhita was a slave but her spirit was always free and eventually that spirit prevailed. 
<p>Born in Olgossa in the Darfur region of southern Sudan, Josephine was kidnapped at the age of seven, sold into slavery and given the name Bakhita, which means <i>fortunate</i>. She was re-sold several times, finally in 1883 to Callisto Legnani, Italian consul in Khartoum, Sudan. </p><p>Two years later he took Josephine to Italy and gave her to his friend Augusto Michieli. Bakhita became babysitter to Mimmina Michieli, whom she accompanied to Venice's Institute of the Catechumens, run by the Canossian Sisters. While Mimmina was being instructed, Josephine felt drawn to the Catholic Church. She was baptized and confirmed in 1890, taking the name Josephine. </p><p>When the Michielis returned from Africa and wanted to take Mimmina and Josephine back with them, the future saint refused to go. During the ensuing court case, the Canossian sisters and the patriarch of Venice intervened on Josephine's behalf. The judge concluded that since slavery was illegal in Italy, she had actually been free since 1885. </p><p>Josephine entered the Institute of St. Magdalene of Canossa in 1893 and made her profession three years later. In 1902, she was transferred to the city of Schio (northeast of Verona), where she assisted her religious community through cooking, sewing, embroidery and welcoming visitors at the door. She soon became well loved by the children attending the sisters' school and the local citizens. She once said, "Be good, love the Lord, pray for those who do not know Him. What a great grace it is to know God!" </p><p>The first steps toward her beatification began in 1959. She was beatified in 1992 and canonized eight years later.</p> American Catholic Blog St. Paul talks about the Christian life as a race, and encourages us to run so as to win. So it’s not just OK, it’s commanded to be competitive, to strive to excel. But true greatness consists in sharing in the sacrificial love of Christ, who comes to serve rather than to be served. That means that this race St. Paul is talking about is a race to the bottom.

Your Imperfect Holy Family

 
CATHOLIC GREETINGS
St. Josephine Bakhita
Today we honor the first saint from the Sudan, who was a model of piety and humility.

National Marriage Week
During this week especially tell each other how much your marriage means to you.

St. Valentine's Day
Schedule one or more e-cards today to be sent next Sunday.

Carnival
Create a festive atmosphere and invite friends over for one last party before the Lenten fast.

Catholic Schools Week
In the Catholic schools, parents know that their children are being formed as well as informed.




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