by Kathiann M. Kowalski
(A summary of this month's Youth Update)
If you would like to preview a
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contact CarolAnn@AmericanCatholic.org.
Guilt has been a human emotion ever since Adam and
Eve hid from God after eating the forbidden fruit in Eden
(Genesis 3:8-10). We experience it as a mental preoccupation
with the past, a sinking feeling in the stomach or a cloud
blocking our ability to enjoy life.
We might feel nervous, anxious, even worthless.
It's that feeling of shame and confusion the biblical Ezra
sensed when he wrote, "[O]ur wicked deeds are heaped up above
our heads and our guilt reaches up to heaven" (Ezra 9:6).
Guilt can follow sinful acts, like lying or hurting someone
else. Or it can come from omissions, like failing to report
a classmate carrying a gun against school rules.
1. Guilt is positive and necessary.
Despite jokes about guilt being the ultimate Catholic
emotion, the Church wants us to deal with guilt, not wallow
in it. Just like a warning signal on a car's dashboard, guilt
feelings tell us there's something wrong "under the hood."
2. You need to see the differences between
actual guilt and feeling guilty.
The first question is: Have you sinned? If you have
real moral guilt, you need to repent. Don't rationalize it
awayand forgive yourself prematurely. If your feelings
are false guilt, however, don't ignore or suppress the issue.
You may need to talk with someone to get your feelings out.
You may need to learn new skills that will prevent you from
taking on guilt that other people enjoy laying on you.
3. If you've sinned, you need to repent.
"Though your sins be like scarlet," Isaiah said,
"they may become white as snow" (Isaiah 1:18). Repentance
isn't a negative concept. Rather, it signals a return to God.
It reveals your genuine sorrow for having sinned, plus a sincere
desire to do better in the future. God's grace can help you
take these steps.
As Catholics, we're not left wondering whether God
will act on a whim and forgive us. Jesus gave us the Sacrament
of Reconciliation as an outward sign to assure us of God's
grace and forgiveness (John 20:19-23). By confessing our sins,
expressing sorrow, committing to do better and accepting penance,
the sacrament reconciles us to Christ.
4. Repentance includes making things right
(restitution).
Dealing with moral guilt also requires, in many
cases, taking steps to repair relationships with people you've
hurt. Teens who talked disrespectfully to their parents, for
example, should apologize and try to establish better relationships
at home. Teens who stole property should generally return
the property or pay for it. These actions can help restore
your sense of self-worth and help you put guilt behind you.
Asking forgiveness helps, too. Forgiveness is not
approval or acceptance of sin. Rather it enables the person
who was hurt to move beyond the injury. At the same time,
it helps those who repented to move forward.
Unfortunately, things can't always be corrected.
A teen who killed someone during a mugging cannot undo the
homicide. A teen who had an abortion cannot bring her baby
back to life. And a teen may have hurt someone so badly that
person refuses to forgive.
Nonetheless, these teens can still make any possible
apologies. They may also find comfort in doing some other
action to address their sin. Where the sin was a crime, for
example, they will serve the criminal sentence a court might
impose. Or, if the person they hurt refuses to forgive them,
they might do acts of kindness for others in similar situations.
Dave Berger (18), Katie Borchers (18),
Emily Selhorst (18) and Sara Wehrkamp (18), all members of
St. Louis Parish in North Star, Ohio, gathered at the invitation
of Johna Hemmelgarn, parish director of youth ministry, to
review this issue of Youth Update. They asked the questions
which are answered here, suggested the title you now see,
and made other helpful observations.