Sue and Tracey had been friends since kindergarten. While they were in high school, Tracey's father lost his job. Her parents separated. Tracey said she didn't care. But she began to talk repeatedly about her wish to "go to sleep and never wake up." She told Sue, "I could take Mom's sleeping pills Sunday night and not wake up on Monday morning."

Deeply concerned for her friend, Sue fled a counseling center and Tracey's mother was alerted. Tracey received counseling, along with the support of her listening friend, Sue. She overcame her suicidal tendency.

Unfortunately all the suicidal Traceys don't have a caring Sue who becomes a lifeline for them.

There's Pete. As his friend walked away from the graveside rite of 16-year-old Pete, whose death was a suicide, he murmured sadly, "Pete told me he was going to kill himself but I didn't believe him."

A nearby girl choked back sobs. "He told me too," she said, "but he made me promise not to tell. Besides, I thought it was none of my business. Now I wish I'd told Mrs. Matthews. She was his favorite teacher. She could have talked some sense to him. Maybe he'd be alive if I had."

Family and friends of persons who kill themselves report agonizing pangs of guilt. They ask themselves over and over, "What could I have done to help her (or him)?" If you ask such questions now, you could be helpful in preventing still another tragedy. While you can't control other people's lives, you can support them in good life-giving choices.

One of the greatest frustrations counselors face is learning that friends of a suicide victim knew of the person's intentions and hadn't asked for help. When asked why they hadn't reported the situation, their answers often were the same as those of the pair at the cemetery, "I didn't think he'd really do it," or "I promised," or "I didn't want to interfere in his life."

Hear the need

Our country is experiencing a tragic epidemic of suicides from the 15 to 24-year-old age-group. Estimates indicate that each year 500,000 suicide attempts go unrecorded, while 5,000 of your peers actually succeed in killing themselves.

Almost anyone can become suicidal. Suicide cuts across the social strata: the rich and the poor, the powerful and the weak, the famous and the unknown, the admired and the despised. No one is immune, not even the devoutly religious.

A major disappointment can trigger a suicide attempt. A romantic breakup, a close friend moving away, not making it academically or socially at school, failure to get a part in a play or a spot on the school team: all these are potential triggers.

Known causes of teen suicides include:

feelings of inadequacy: "I'm no good."
sense of rejection: "Nobody likes me!"
intense loneliness: "There's nobody I can count on."
lack of direction: "Nothing to live for."
poor communication: "No one understands."
sense of hopelessness: "Life is just a rat race. There's no reason to go on."
drugs and alcohol: "Nothing I take gives me any relief."
academic pressure: "I can't live up to what everyone expects of me."

Ways to plead

At RePlace, a youth and counseling center in Lexington, Massachusetts, there's a drop-in program for youth. Those who feel they "don't fit in" at home or school have a comfortable place to relax with friends and counselors and talk about what's bothering them.

On the table there's a journal, open to all, where drop-ins record in prose, poetry and drawings the feelings that are hard to talk about. The pain, fear, anger, loneliness, anxiety, feelings of hopelessness, the cries for help: It's all there.

"I'm scared of something that hasn't happened yet," writes someone. "I think I know how you feel," comforts another. "I feel that way sometimes too."

"I can't think!" scribbles another. "The pain-I hate to be alone. I can sit in a room full of people and be so alone and weak."

The kids at RePlace are finding that they can be strength for one another. The dynamic truth is that friends of the suicidal person provide the best possible chance for survival. When you hear the plea and understand the signals, like Sue did with Tracey, you become a lifeline as you not only call for help but live your own life the best that you know how.

Practice your creed

Jesus Christ walked on this earth to show us in person what his words meant. Wherever he went, he healed physical, emotional and spiritual pain. Today he asks Christians to reach out in his name wherever human needs are encountered.

At the cemetery, the girl had said, "It was none of my business what he wanted to do." While she was right to respect his freedom, would not have been "out of line" to express the concern she had experienced. Is it your business when a friend is hurting enough to threaten suicide? Our own instincts to make it our business, to support life, are supported by stories related in the Bible.

As early as the Book of Genesis, Cain poses the difficult question, "Am I my brother's keeper?" In some ways, the remaining pages of Scripture illustrate the many ways in which we are challenged to be just that, "keepers" of both our brothers and our sisters.

The friendship of Jonathan and David is described in the First Book of Samuel, and that book describes at what great risk Jonathan "kept" the life of his friend. In his life and words, Jesus describes how to be "my brother's keeper" in greater detail. It means a lot more to Jesus than simply not murdering; it means caring for the human family in the way that Jesus himself did. At the Last Supper, he could speak of little else.

In Matthew's Gospel (Chapter 25), Jesus says that his Father will bless those who meet the needs of the hungry, the sick, the prisoners Those who are considering suicide feel impri oned by life itself; death is a way to break out of life's pain. To listen to one such "jailed" person is surely in the spirit of the Gospel message.

Take the lead

Alarming increases in the rate of teen suicides make it quite possible that you might indeed meet such a prisoner, a friend who confronts you with suicidal signals. It's a myth that those who talk about killing themselves won't follow through. "Always take a suicidal threat seriously," advises James Dalton-Thompson, Youth Director of the Samaritans in Boston, Massachusetts.

During an argument about whether or not Janna was going to school one morning, the girl screamed at her mother, "If you force me to go, I'll kill myself." Unhappy, rebellious, angry with her mother because of her parents' separation, Janna had been behaving differently. She had threatened suicide before. Seeing the threat as "just one more bid for attention," the moth insisted that Janna gather her books and go.

The daughter went-and on the way, jumped out into the path of an oncoming car. Fortunately the driver was able to avoid hitting her. Janna is getting help now. Her threat had been a bid for attention. No one person was responsible for Janna's attempt, and you can't be responsible for the decisions of your friends either. But you can give of your attention. You choose to listen and give your support. You can get help too. Don't try to do it alone.

Before a person tries to kill himself or herself, there are almost always signals that give clues to the potential danger. You can learn to recognize these signals even before your friend talks about wanting to end it all.

When you see favorite belongings being given away-radio, stereo, tapes-and hear, "I want you to have this; I won't be needing it anymore," pay attention. You might also hear a lot of talk about death, almost a fixation. Depression is another clue. Not all depressed persons are suicidal but almost all suicidal persons are depressed. Here are some signs to watch for:

withdrawal
moodiness
insomnia
angry outbursts
impulsive actions
heavy drinking
sudden personality changes
school failure
loss of appetite
low self-esteem
uncontrollable crying
risky actions
drug use
sense of hopelessness

Everyone goes through temporary mild depression at times, and it may last a few hours a few days. But if any two or three of these symptoms last for a couple of weeks, you'll want to start a conversation with your friend to uncover any possible thoughts of suicide.

Encourage him or her to express feelings. If you show that you really care, your friend is more apt to unload. When he or she does, it's no time to make judgments or offer pat answers. You might respond by saying, "That must make you feel terrible," or "I can see that you're worried about your parents' divorce." Never say, "I know how you feel." You can't know how someone feels unless you have had the same experience. But you can care deeply and show it.

If you have any doubt about a friend being suicidal, the best thing to do is ask: "Have you ever thought of just ending it all?" If the answer is "Yes," ask, "How do you think you'd do it?" The more detailed the plan, the greater the possibility that the plan will be carried out.

When you discover that a friend is planning suicide, you can become a lifeline. Experts believe that most teenage suicides can be prevented when friends make it their business, take the threat seriously, and get and give help.

If you report that a friend is suicidal, you are not betraying a confidence, but translating a signal. Suicidal persons have mixed feelings. They want to live and die at the same time. They're hoping for a reason to live. Talking about killing oneself is a cry for help. Otherwise, why would the person risk your involvement and possible intervention?

Do a loving deed

Deb, a high school junior who spends a lot of time at the RePlace Drop-In Center, knows what it takes to turn a suicidal friend around. Here are five pointers she's found useful:

1. It's not enough to say you care. You need to show it!

2. When your friend shares a problem, don't go, "Oh, well, that's nothing. You'll live!" If it's important enough to make your friend go all haywire then it's important. If you say, "Big deal! I'm the one with a D on my test"" then your friend will feel that you don't understand.

3. Don't get drawn into promising that you won't tell when someone talks suicide. Don't go behind the person's back either. You definitely have to say, "I'm going to get help." Otherwise he or she will feel betrayed. Say, "I want to tell Mr. Peabody. Is that all right?"

4. The most important thing is listening and talking. The hurting person needs to feel like you are willing to hear anything, that you will listen and not judge. He or she needs to feel wanted and needed and worthwhile.

5. Show respect for your friend. Tell the person why he or she is important to you. Don't lose any chances to give honest compliments. You need a friend. Let this one know that!

Suicidal persons aren't easy to deal with. When you try to help, you might hear, "Mind your own business," or, "Get lost." Your hanging around might result in hostility. After all, you're preventing the plan from going through. Try saying: "I think too much of our friendship not to get help. I want you around for the good times ahead." It's better to risk a show of temper than to risk the loss of life.

An opposite reaction to your offer of help might be a helpless dependency, with the person calling you all hours of the day and night. Once you've committed yourself to seeing your friend through a crisis, you'll need lots of strength to see yourself through.

Count on God's help to support you with strength and wisdom. The greater part of that wisdom will probably be to check with someone else whose judgment you respect-a priest or adviser. Don't try to go it alone.

You don't want your friend to feel alone either. Encourage others to be links in the chain of support. Each person can contribute out of his or her interests and uniqueness a part of what is needed to strengthen and enrich the one who's in need at the moment. Together, with God's help, you can create a healing atmosphere that can encourage your hurting friend.

Plan to succeed

Besides being alert to suicidal symptoms and seeing a friend through a crisis, there is another way you can be a lifeline. You can give preventive medicine in the form of friendship. Your own smallpox vaccination represents an immunization to a serious illness, given before there's any threat to your health and well-being. Booster shots represent another kind of valuable protection.

No one is immune to depression and suicidal tendencies. Family problems, illness, rejection, disappointment-these troubles can trigger a usually upbeat person to consider ending it all. But sometimes you're the one who's there-before despair sets in-supplying an "inoculation" or a "booster shot" of friendship or loving concern.

More times than you can know, you may have inoculated someone against a suicidal impulse. You gave the protective serum of Christian kindness when you invited the new kid to eat lunch with your crowd. You gave Joe a booster shot" when you introduced him to Kenny another coin collector in the group. You maintained Joan's resistance to despair when you included her in your Church youth group plans.

As more and more of us grow in our capacity to be Christian "keepers" of our sisters and brothers, the suicide rate will drop. It has to. Life is worth living. You are evidence of that!

Priscilla Larson, a free-lance writer, has taught religion classes at the high school level and writes for several religious publications. Married, she is the mother of two grown children and a 17-year-old of whom she says, "She keeps me up to date on the teenage world."

Members of Youth Update's Advisory Board who previewed this issue are Stephen Farrell, 17; David Hamilton, 15; David Longtin, 17; and Mike Tuttle, 15. Questions from readers are submitted through the board and answered by the author.