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You and Your Body:
Beautiful Inside and Out

by Greg Dobie Moser

From an early age, you have received messages about the gift of your body. Parents and family members take delight in the beauty of an infant who has been made in the very image and likeness of God.

A baby's beauty is obvious to a stranger. The smallest gesture or giggle is a source of great delight as a little one discovers her fingers and toes and a voice that can make an amazing range of sounds.

When and how does that joy in the gift of a body change? How does that subtle shift take place that has young people questioning or rejecting the very goodness and nature of the body that God gave them?

It is easy to unlearn or forget that early lesson that every one of us is made in the image and likeness of God. How can you rediscover and celebrate your identity as a child of God, beautiful on the inside and outside, recalling that God created you and said that it was "very good"? That's what this Youth Update is about.

Power Brokers

When she was small, our daughter Joanie would enter our room fully dressed many mornings and ask, "Daddy, how do I look?" She soon knew—and would recite—my answer before I could, saying, "I know, it's most important that I am a child of God and that I am beautiful on the inside." Then she would ask her mom the same question, even though she knew she would receive the same answer.

This simple exchange was our effort to plant a seed deep within Joanie that reminded her of who she is and whose she is. Such awareness can serve you well as many of life's greatest challenges and experiences cause you to grow in your understanding of who you are as a child of God—beautifully made in God's divine image and likeness.

As early as elementary school and for many years following, young people experience great pressure to fit in with the right clothing, hairstyles, body shapes and appearance. There is further pressure to have the right friends, be in the right groups or be invited to the right social events.

The pressure to conform often comes from adolescent peers who appoint themselves as social power brokers. Social power brokers work off what I describe as a pulley system: They attempt to pull themselves up by putting others down. Social power brokers attempt to wield power by exerting their influence over others through mean and bully-type tactics, such as exclusion, ridicule, putdowns and gossip about those who are different from them.

The pain caused to you and your peers by such choices and behaviors affects you in real and hurtful ways. Many innocent young people on the receiving end of efforts by social power brokers find themselves under great pressure to conform or do things that violate who they are, what their family values and how they feel on the inside. The pressure can also cause some young people to get involved in high-risk behaviors such as drinking, drug usage or sexual promiscuity.

Social power brokers are insecure about who they are and strike out at others in order to avoid the hard questions and struggles about who they are and how they feel about themselves. One of the challenges of adolescence is to develop the skills and strategies to effectively deal with social power brokers in ways that help you to be strong and resilient when others try to bully.

I Just Wanna Be Me

Folk artist Cathy Fink captures the essence of this experience for early adolescents in the song "Number One" on her CD Bon Appetit. She sings, "Kids in my school make you wanna feel cool,/and you wanna fit in and belong/They say what to wear and what to do with your hair,/but for me, I think it's all wrong./The clothes that they pick seem to fit on a stick,/not a kid who's growing like me./And I don't really care to color my hair,/I just wanna grow up to be me."

In athletic programs, schools, relationships and church settings, the goal is to find places and activities where as a young person you can grow and discover your interests, talents and who you are and where you belong.

As Christians we are expected to respect the gift and beauty of the person God made us to be—with the body that God gave us. Equally important, we are expected to respect the gift and beauty of every other person and treat that individual as we would treat God.

Identity: Positive & Negative

Among the many tasks of adolescence is to develop an increasing awareness of who you are, where you belong and what you want to do with your life. This sorting-out process is not easy and continues well into adulthood.

One of the unhealthy ways this sorting out takes place is when teens put down others who are different from themselves. This negative identity can take the form of ridicule, as they make fun of groups of which they are not members.

Stereotypes abound when you do this, as jokes and derisive remarks are made about your peers who are involved in athletics, band, choir, theater, cheerleading, computer clubs, academic clubs and other social venues. This negative identity involves putting down others who are in groups that you are not in; therefore, it is an identity built upon what you are not.

As you grow, it is critical that you move toward a positive identity that helps you to know and embrace who you are, where you belong and what you are about. As you grow into a more positive identity, there is little need to put down others for being different than you are or for being involved in clubs or activities other than your own.

Many teens understand and work out of this positive identity, thereby building up others, valuing and respecting both their differences and similarities. This sorting out also necessarily involves renegotiating your relationship with your parents and their doing the same with you.

This can cause considerable conflict and arguing on the home front, sometimes leading to your desire to be left alone and given more freedom. At other times, you want parents to be there when you need them. Some parents are excited and supportive to see you grow into a more mature person who can make your own decisions. Others can be threatened by your independence and may attempt to exert more control.

The following poem was written by Maria, a 14-year-old who described the tension of sorting things out in her relationship with her father:

My Daddy

The thunder crashes through the night,
but my Daddy holds me oh so tight.
He's going to stay, yes,
my daddy makes the world all right.

And Dad was always there to play,
to run and jump and dance
and maybe I miss that, 'cause now it's
DAaAad! You're embarrassing me!

When I'm with my friends,
parents can't be cool.
But inside I still know
that he makes it all right.
He'll be there if I need him
when it's raining one night.

For when friends walk out
and I think I'm alone,
my Daddy is there
to welcome me home.

Cultural Lies

Additional challenges you face include powerful messages from media and culture about your body and what it should look like. Among these messages are lies that tell you that your appearance is most important and determines your whole value as a person.

Cultural lies are rooted in the goal of having teens buy more and more products to get the elusive "right look," all the while exploiting them for financial gain. This lie implicitly tells those who don't have the right look that they are less valuable as persons.

This lie is particularly painful for those who fall into its web of deceit. This lie sends and reinforces the message that you are never good enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, thin enough, athletic enough, cool enough, smart enough—or never fully up to the task of being accepted and valued for being who you are. This lie can be a heavy burden for young people who wear the masks of trying to be who and what they are not in order to be valued and accepted.

The Christian understanding of the importance and value of every person exposes this lie. The Bible reminds us all that we are made "in the divine image" (Genesis 1:27). "You are precious in my eyes and glorious," is how Isaiah (43:4) describes the Lord's attitude toward his creation.

Scripture reveals that not only are you a child of God, but so is every other person. You must therefore treat yourself and others as you would treat God.

The Christian message tells us to be bold enough to believe the Spirit of God in Matthew's Gospel, "This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased" (3:17).

Three Wishes

Recently, Joanie's older sister Maria, a college senior, sent her a birthday card with three wishes for her 11th birthday. Her wishes for her younger sister remind me of the words that our loving God speaks to every one of us.

I share these wishes with the love and prayers that you will have loving friends, family members and adults in your life to make these wishes come true. I also pray that you will have the courage and goodness to be the teenager who helps these dreams come true for others.

1. That you never forget how much I love you. You can ask me anything, tell me anything and call me any time.

2. That every year you grow and change in wisdom and joy, but can still look back on the person you used to be with affection and understanding.

3. That in the turbulence of growing up, you know deep inside that you are a child of God, beautiful and special, and that you demand to be treated as such.

Journey of Vast Distances

Learning how to love and accept ourselves and others is the hard work of the Christian life. Poet Ranier Maria Rilke reminds us that such work calls us to vast distances, requiring us "to hearken and to hammer day and night," so that you may discover how to use the love that God has given you.

You join a wonderful community of believers on life's long road of discovery of whom you are called to be. As a child of God, may you know and share God's love and beauty every step of the way.

 

Taking Care of My Body, My Self You deal with pressures and stress coming from many directions. Here are a few tips to take care of you and deal with the pressure in a healthy way. — Get enough sleep. The goal is 8 to 10 hours a night to let your body recover and be strong enough to deal with the daily demands you are facing. — Eat a healthy diet. Pay attention to what you eat, when you eat it and how you are feeling. Your diet habits now shape your present and future health as an adult. — Listen to your body! Our bodies tell us when we are feeling great and when we need more sleep, alone time, exercise and much more. Listen closely to what is going on inside your body and make choices that respond to what your body is telling you. — Develop your inner life. Keep a journal; spend time alone each day to listen to your thoughts and feelings. Read your Bible and listen to God's word in your life. — Exercise often. Choose something that you enjoy, whether it is biking, playing basketball, jogging or taking a walk and enjoying the gift of nature. — Have fun playing with others. It can be through sports, board games, time with a friend or music-related fun. — Connect with beauty regularly. Enjoy a walk in the woods, a beautiful painting, a play at the local theatre, a great book or playing a musical instrument. God speaks to us through the gift of mystery, majesty and awe in ways that are always present for those with the eyes to see. — Pray. You are a child of God and God wants to know whatever is on your mind and in your heart. Celebrate that you are loved more than you could ever imagine and that you are never alone. — Get help when you need it. People of all ages sometimes struggle with self-esteem issues and feeling good about themselves. Seek help from a trustworthy friend or adult if you are feeling down, deeply sad or depressed.

Q.

I have a close friend who I think is sexually active already. She's hurting on the inside and seems to want to please guys just so they might like or accept her. It is hard to watch and I'm not sure what I should do as her friend.

A.

You are a kind and loving friend to care so beautifully. Continue to call and invite your friend to spend time with you and other friends who do not have the goal of pleasing guys in order to be accepted and valued. As your friendship grows in trust, you may have the opportunity to tell your friend why you make different choices in your relationships and encourage her to do the same. Continue to love and pray for her as a child of God.

Q.

I struggle to keep my weight under control but it doesn't seem to work. Any suggestions?

A.

It is always good to see your doctor first to get a medical checkup. Beyond that it is helpful to look more closely at your habits of diet and exercise. Start small by picking a form of exercise that you enjoy. Set specific and reachable goals. Try to minimize eating between meals or after dinner. Work with a friend and encourage and help each other. Remember, it is a gift that God made you and every person different and unique. —————————————————————————

Q.

What should I do when I see others getting made fun of because of their clothes, weight or appearance? Sometimes I say nothing and feel bad later.

A.

It sounds as if you are following the first rule already: Never make fun of others or join in when it does occur. You are right to sense that watching while remaining silent is not enough. You can speak up against those who are bullying or reach out to the person being bullied so that they and others know that you see things differently and treat others with kindness when they need it most. While standing up for others is a hard thing to do, it's the right thing to do and it will eventually gain you respect. In cases of extreme bullying, verbal or physical violence, it is important to turn to a trusted adult to intervene to protect all parties involved.

Greg Dobie Moser is executive director of Youth and Young Adult Ministry & CYO for the Diocese of Cleveland, Ohio. He is a nationally known youth ministry consultant and author.

Elliot Lorenz (17), Matt Wichman (16) and Kaitlin Reiber (15), members of St. Joseph Parish in Strongsville, Ohio, reviewed this Youth Update for the author, offering helpful suggestions. The questions were posed by other Cleveland-area youth: Brenda (16), Gavin (15) and Diane (14).