Last fall I took my daughter
Maddie shopping after her
birthday. She turned 11 last
November, but you never
would have guessed it judging by the
clothes on the racks. I quickly discovered
that somewhere between the ages
of eight and nine the options went
from ruffles and lace to midriffs and
skinny, skinny jeans.
Having grown up in the late '80s
and early '90s, when everything I wore
was baggy and three sizes too big, I
was appalled.
But, to be fair, it's not just the stores
that are giving me fits these days about
appropriately dressing my pre-teen. No,
Maddie's doing her fair share of that,
too. Especially with her penguin pajama
pants that she insists on wearing
almost everywhere we go because,
“They're soooo warm and comfortable,
Mom.”
She probably comes by it honestly,
though. Fashion has never been all that
important to me. I don't own stylish
shoes, purses or dresses. And my
wardrobe staples tend toward jeans and
bulky sweatshirts. (Apparently you can
take the girl out of the '80s, but not the
'80s out of the girl.) But I do know
what's appropriate, and a lot of what I
see these days for my daughter is not.
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Judging by discussions I've had with
the parents of Maddie's friends, apparently
I'm not alone in my frustration.
Then recently, as I was surfing the Internet,
I happened across a reference to a
program called Pure Fashion (www.purefashion.com). According to its
Web site, Pure Fashion is a faith-based
program that encourages teen girls to
live, act and dress in accordance with
their dignity as children of God.
The program works with local leaders,
clergy and laypeople to promote
the virtue of modesty, to protect and
preserve purity, and to foster an awareness
of the dignity of the human person.
It also strives to impact the fashion
industry in a positive way by
motivating customers to choose clothing
and accessories that are fun and
fresh, yet modest and respectful of
human dignity.
I was especially intrigued when I
read that, in the spring of 2004, Ella
Gunderson, who at the time was the
same age as Maddie, turned up the volume
on this topic with a letter to Nordstrom
department store.
"Dear Nordstrom, I am an 11-year-old
girl who has tried shopping at your
store for clothes (in particular jeans),
but all of them ride way under my hips
and the next size up is too big and falls
down," wrote Ella. At the time Ella and
her family were helping to put on a
Pure Fashion show and included her
letter and Nordstrom's apology in the
press kit. Her letter grabbed the media's
attention, and eventually Nordstrom
launched a new category for junior customers
on their Web site called "Modern
and Modest."
Excited by the concept, I went to
the Web site to take a look. Unfortunately,
I was unable to find it and
learned from a follow-up call to the
store that the line is apparently no
longer available. But the concept got
me energized to find ways to make it
easier for moms like me to be able to
spend some quality time with our
daughters involving clothing—and not
have it turn into an all-out battle of
wills. Here are some ideas:
Speak up. Let companies know that
you want more modest, wearable
clothes for both yourself and your children.
Think it won't make a difference?
It did in 2005 when a group of teenage
girls from Pennsylvania launched a
"girlcott" of Abercrombie & Fitch over
some of the store's attitude T-shirts,
which the girls found offensive. Eventually, the store pulled the shirts.
Be a role model. Take a look at
your wardrobe and think about the
message you're sending with the
clothes you wear. Perhaps my daughter's
love of her penguin jammy
pants finds its roots in my jeans-and-sweatshirt
regime. Instead of telling
your children how to dress, show them
with your own clothing choices.
Share the wealth. My four-year-old
daughter, Riley, loves to dress up. Luckily,
my friend Teri and my sister Beth
keep her well stocked with stylish
clothes. When their girls outgrow
clothes, they gather them up and send
them our way. And recently we passed
on some of them to a friend who was
having a baby girl. It's a nice way of getting
the full use out of clothes even
after your kids have outgrown them.
Be encouraging. Ever since he was little,
my seven-year-old son, Alex, has
been quite a stylish dresser. He has a
collection of ties, and one year for
Christmas actually asked for a dress
shirt, tie and bow ties—yes, bow ties. I
have always tried to encourage his decision
to dress nicely in hopes that it
will keep the trend going. I have also
made a point of reminding him when
others have complimented his style
choices, which seems to make him puff
out his chest just a little bit more.
Be generous. If you have clothes you
no longer need or that no longer fit,
consider donating them to a local charity
so that someone else can get some
good use out of them.
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