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Eleven years ago this month I
promised to love my husband,
Mark, for better or worse, richer
or poorer and in sickness and
health. To be honest, I’m not sure at the
age of 22 that I really had any idea
what I was getting into.
Now three kids, a few health and
budget crises and over a decade of dealing
with each other’s quirks later, I
think we’re finally getting the hang of
this whole marriage thing.
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 An Important Promise
The Church puts a lot of time and
energy into the Sacrament of Matrimony.
Anyone who’s been married in
the Catholic Church surely knows that.
Before we were married, Mark and I
met with the priest who was performing
our marriage ceremony, met with a
married couple from the parish, took
the FOCCUS questionnaire to see
where we might not be compatible and
took part in a weekend-long Engaged
Encounter—which was a very nice
respite from planning a wedding.
I know that, when some of our
friends went through the same process,
they saw it as a hassle, given how much
work they already had to put into planning
a wedding. But something we
were told while on Engaged Encounter
really stuck with me and still does to
this day: “A wedding lasts one day. A
marriage lasts a lifetime.”
And even after marriage, the Church
offers ways to continue renewing what
you promised on your wedding day
through programs such as Marriage
Encounter (www.wwme.org).
In fact, since 1987 the U.S. bishops
have had a committee devoted entirely
to the issues of marriage and family
life. And in 2004 they began a multi-year initiative “to promote, preserve
and protect marriage, understood as
both sacramental reality and human
institution.”
An Ongoing Commitment
While the Church offers ways to support
your marriage, you and your
spouse play the most important role
in a marriage. Here are some ways to
help foster this most important sacrament:
• Every once in a while, give your
marriage a check-up. Not long ago, I
found our notebooks from when Mark
and I were on the Engaged Encounter
weekend. (More proof to my husband
that I don’t get rid of anything!) One
night after the kids went to bed, we
sat and reread what we had written
and talked about how those answers
have changed—or not changed.
Since most people probably don’t
still have those questions lying around,
make up your own questions, such as,
“What do you love most about your
partner?” or “What do you find most
challenging about your relationship?”
Or just sit down and talk about ways
your marriage has changed since your
wedding day.
• Do your best to support those who
are engaged or newly married. Let them
know that you are willing to listen,
offer support or advice—if they need
you.
• As time goes on, don’t let your
marriage take a backseat to other
things. I must confess that I’m guilty of
this. Since both my husband and I work
full-time, and two of our three kids
have activities as well, dates or “alone
time” are not easily accessible. Make a
commitment to do things together as
a couple.
• If you are experiencing problems in
your marriage, you might want to look
into Retrouvaille (www.retrouvaille.org).
• Unfortunately, not all marriages
work out—for any number of reasons.
A lot of divorced or remarried Catholics
feel abandoned by the Church. But
there are ways to find your way back.
Options such as annulment and convalidation
are available for divorced
Catholics. You can find out more about
them at “Understanding
Annulments” and “Bringing Your Marriage
Into the Church.” If you just
want someone to talk to about your
particular situation, visit www.OnceCatholic.org, whose first Conversation
Corner is devoted to marriage
issues.
Next Month: Teaching Tolerance
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